Yes, have you got e-mail? Sadly yes, but not quite the question you would expect when you call up an estate agent – for this property, when the toilet is backing up to the cystern!
The conversation went something along these lines. You should be able to tell who is saying what.
…..ring ring….ring ring…..The phone is answered by the Estate agent.
Ah g’day, its Mr Barrow from <our current address>
hows it going?
well, the toilet is backing up and WE can’t use it.
have you got e-mail?
stunned silence – me
eerrrr, yes, I have internet too (subtle tone of Sarcasm)
ahh, good, just put it in an e-mail and we will get one of our staff to look into it.
errrr. No! I am calling you, as we cannot use the Toilet and I want someone out here today please!
Oh, I cannot understand your attitude, its a public holiday and we will not be able to do anything.
What! so your not doing anything, we have one toilet, do you want me to go in the back garden or the street!?!?!
I really cannot understand your attitude.
Mate, We cannot! Use! The ! Toilet. I want someone out here today as its a Health ISSUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
This is not the first time the toilet has backed up, last time I managed to clear it, but this time it aint budging!….
Why didn’t you report it last time?
Because we thought it was a one off!
(toilet is still unusable, unless you like snorkelling in Shite!!!!)
So let me try and get hold of a plumber.
Great thats all I am asking! Thank you Sir!
SLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (imagine the phone being put down loudly).
With that, I flipped my lid, toys out of the pram, spat the dummy out and got in my car and tore off up the road to tear said Estate agent a new ARSE!!!!
Upon arrival, he was in the back on the phone (to Sam). He gets off of the phone and says, Hi can I help you?
IF only I say, I am Mr Barrow <from my current address>. Was it you I spoke to on the phone….?
err Yes.
Thats where I don’t type the conversation. Did I indeed tear new ass in Wankerchops, useless bastard, thick as pig shit estate agent? Oh Yes. Read him his horroscope, gave hime the news and it was all bad!
I mean, if we were living in some bum fuck backwash banjo playin hillside comunity, I could maybe, just maybe understand, but NO. Nice suburb, were people don’t shit and piss in the street nor their garden, you would be forgiven for thinking that not being able to use the ONE TOILET, is a big deal. Yes or No?
Anyway, upon arrival back to floating cesspit complete with a paddle, My mobile started to ring. Some strange mobile number flashed up on the screen, so I answered it. Lo and Behold my prayers were answered. A plumber. Thats all I wanted, Thats all I asked for. Not bullshit – have you got fucking e-mail you retarded bum fuck!!!
Plumber arrived 10 minutes later and after 30 mins or less, we can now use the toilet
Warning to all people who rent..Make sure you find a decent Estate agent, who don’t have ologies in BS and dumbass questions.
Have you got e-mail? will ring in my ears for many years. My smile is from ear to ear as I type. No doubt I will be grinning like the Cheshire Cat driving to and from work. This will amuse me for weeks, years, Eons.
